This Time

Are you excited for the World Cup this week? Not as much as normal? I know, me too. I’ll try my best though. A very wise man, Joe Madden of the world famous Joe Madden’s Uptown Band, once said something to me that stuck hard so I’ll share it with you. He said, “When you think about it, best case scenario you only get about 20 World Cups, so you’ve got to enjoy them.” He’s right isn’t he? If you live till you’re 80 you’re having 20, but you miss the first couple from being too young, I don’t remember Argentina in ‘78 or Spain in ‘82. There’s a fair chance that you might be too old and infirm to get stuck into your last couple either, so if we knock two off either end you’re looking at 16 World Cups. Maybe that’s too brutal but even if we take the ones I don’t remember and the ones I do, I’ve had twelve so far. If I live to 80 or so I’ve got 7 or 8 left. I most probably have more World Cups behind me than in front of me. That’s been a couple of terrifying sentences to type out, I didn’t enjoy it. My chest tightened a little and my breath became a bit shallow. I’ll forget it for now though and go back to pretending I’m basically immortal.

I’ve been trying to listen to some World Cup songs to set the mood and I’ve been on something of an odyssey so I’ll take a moment to share it with you. I was trying to think of the first official England World Cup song I remembered, obviously I remembered New Order’s effort, we all do because it was actually brilliant. The first World Cup I really watched was 1986 in Mexico and I have basically no memory of the England squad releasing We’ve Got The Whole World At Our Feet, a throwaway effort set to the tune of (you guessed it) He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands. Weirdly I can’t remember anything at all about the tournament in Spain, not a game or a venue or a player, but I do remember This Time (We’ll Get It Right) and I remember it fondly.

It’s not as good as you remember is it?

It’s all well and good showing footage of the players rolling into Abbey Road but the production sounds cheap, limp and lifeless. It doesn’t sound like Abbey Road, it sounds like…Yorkshire.

Imagine my horror this week when I found out that This Time was written by Bradford soft rock wazzocks Smokie! Specifically, by guitarist Chris Norman and drummer Pete Spencer. Listen again and you’ll hear their handiwork all over it, from that plodding clubland country rhythm section to that despair-inducing cod reggae breakdown. It turns out they got the gig writing the 1982 team anthem after writing Kevin Keegan’s solo chart offering of 1979, Head Over Heels In Love. Let’s have a listen…

Absolutely fucking awful. And so very Smokie.

That Keegan single got into the top 10 in Germany, a music buying market that doesn’t always bring the word “discerning” to mind. They’ve got previous with buying the vanity projects of men whose talent lies at the opposite end of their body to their voice box though, check out Gute Freunde Kann Niemand Trennan from 1966. This is one of the greatest players and managers to have ever walked the earth. Singing a song.

I swear I’m not going to spend all of today digging out footballers’ attempts to pivot into what is really the Beautiful Game but I’ve got one more to drop here, of the three footballing legends whose singles I’m sharing I think Johann Cruyff wins hands down. Oei Oei Oei is a stomping comedy march with a Nellie The Elephant type of feel and hilarious lyrics about…fuck knows what.

That was a three song digression into fantastic players and their solo efforts, I’ve also had some enjoyment from the official Fifa anthems over the last week or two though. Did you know Morricone did an official World Cup theme? It was for 1978 in Argentina and it’s good too. Don’t be thrown off by the drum part which cheapens it a little. The little synth flute melody goes on something of a harmonic quest before the brass kicks in just after the 1 minute mark for a counterpoint lesson. It keeps developing and modulating and getting better and better, I just listened again and I’m really into it. I wish I had a HD version.

I think I wasn’t paying attention during the 2002 tournament, I didn’t recall Vangelis composing the official theme but then I’m fairly sure I was stumbling around with a can of Stella singing Rio Ferdinand’s name to the tune of an adjacently titled Duran Duran song. Vangelis’ theme is absolutely excellent though, he’s got a knack for this kind of epic grandeur. It’s not Chariots of Fire but it’s well good anyway.

It’s good to see prog legends putting their shoulder to the wheel and contributing to the world’s ultimate sporting festival, they are often men who don’t bring “sports” to mind. I was tempted to stick Rick Wakeman’s tribute to the 1986 World Cup A Special Kind Of Hero here but it’s sadly shit. I’ve been very forgiving of him throughout my life because he’s an incredibly fast player who tells hilarious anecdotes, but that one is a step too far for even me. So I’ll finish my little journey through World Cup music with a belter from another keyboard legend. This instantly takes me back to watching Mexico ‘86 on ITV and becoming hooked for the first time. It’s a beautiful, optimistic sounding little synth piece with just enough Latin flair to sound worldly. It’s written by one of our true national treasures, Rod Argent of the Zombies and of course Argent, as nice a man as you could ever meet and a supreme talent.

Mexico ‘86 was golden television, I became completely obsessed and Maradonna broke my heart twice by beating both of my native teams, England and Germany. When he brushed England aside with the most audacious piece of cheating in history he undermined everything I understood about justice as a young God fearing catholic. I hated him desperately and I hated Argentina. It was powerful stuff.

Now though I think Maradonna is a genius, the kind of character that comes along rarely in sports. Calling his handball “The Hand of Good” doesn’t affront me in the slightest, I think he’s a marketing genius as well as a footballing one. I love Argentina and its people and I wish them a good run this summer. I’ll even wear the t-shirt below while they’re playing, a gift I received last year in a summer where I was welcomed warmly to their country and many others. My outlook has changed, I genuinely delight in all the cultures and people I see when I'm watching the tournament and we all know why. As much as the TV pundits will talk about the World Cup being a celebration and football bringing people from all over the world together, celebrating their differences and being a part of something bigger, they’re waffling and we all know it.

But music really does all that.

Emmy’s written a book

Emmy the Great, nowadays simply known as Emma-Lee Moss, has written a book called My Cantopop Nights and it was released on Thursday. I pre-ordered it so I'm waiting to crack on with it as soon as I finish today's book. Ideally I'd recommend it based on having read it already but I haven't and you don't need that anyway. Although Nicky and me only spent a short time in the company if Emma and her talented band mates it was the highest quality time, making an album really does throw all of your lives together like nothing else and create a lasting bond. We were woefully unqualified for the task of helping them out at the time, the only thing we lacked lore than credentials was money so we had to have a crack at it. I'll write about it someday, I promise.

In the meantime though, you could order her new book here. She's one of the best writers I've ever met, whether it's lyrics, newspaper columns, her own Substack or texts and emails, she's effortlessly witty and elegant with language. I know this will be brilliant so let's call that my pre-review. Get involved and let's support one of our own in a brave new endeavour.

Madden The Animal

Here's me reporting back on last week, I enjoyed doing some Animals songs and generally had a good time with the lads. I was a bit stiff on the first night but on the second night I thought I was significantly better, good even. Tough shit though, I only have a video from the first night. It's a twelve minute version of Inside Looking Out featuring solos from everyone. Mine isn't the best you've ever heard but it's an interesting one so have a listen. I start my improvisational odyssey around the 4 minutes 45 seconds mark. It goes on for yonks.

It’s Been 49 Years of This

Happy Birthday Maz! Maz is 49 today, it had to happen sooner or later. I have known him for around 38 of those 49 years, since he was a graceful teenager with hair like a permed lion and he's still making me laugh, I think you’ll agree that that's positive. In tribute to Maz and his casual brilliance I include this Ofay video. This was all of us enjoying our first post COVID gig, giddy to be out in public. I wouldn't normally film from the stage but nothing quite makes me laugh as much as Maz “doing Shaggy” and I felt I needed to bottle it for the future. Plus Nicky kicks his pint over and then decides to mop it up, adding to the shambolic spectacle. We're shit, and that's why we're brilliant.